Thanksgiving!!

we're gonna be a little cliche right about now. it's thanksgiving so EVERYONE and their dog (if they could talk) is listing everything that they are grateful for. and i'm just about to jump on that bandwagon. everyone's posted it on Facebook. i'm not going to lie when i say that i always skip of the thankful statuses. they are always too long and i get side tracked so i never actually read them. i know, i'm a terrible person. i don't know how i live with myself.

First off, i'm thankful for my baby, Rohe. she's a fat little thing and she is amazing. she is officially a month old today! she is getting huge and she. is. bald. haha it's pretty cute. it would be tons cuter if i could actually keep some head bands for her. between my "safe spots" for them and hyrum thinking fi needs to wear them, they are slowly disappearing. she bring so much happiness to our little family. hyrum loves her. he always wants to hold her and gets so mad when i take her away. he gets so worried when she cries. lance jumps up to save her every time she squeaks. she is so loved. i'm pretty fond of her too. i mean i did give birth to her. after we had our miscarriage, i was almost positive that we wouldn't be able to have anymore. there aren't any babies that can take the place of my little angel baby, but she did give me some comfort and made me realize that i will be able to be with my baby when i die. she didn't take the place but she made it just a little easier to move on.

next, i'm thankful for my little boy. Hyrum is such a good little boy. he is so happy most of the time (not including when he needs a nap. he's a beast then and i am almost positive he gets it from me). he is so smart and so tender hearted. he is also mischievous. and he loves to help. he "helps" me with dishes and with Rohe. he helps but hinders. it makes me so happy that he likes to help though because there are so many kids that don't care and just want to be lazy. he is my best little friend. yesterday morning he helped me give Rohe a bath. he put soap on her little belly and then rinsed her hair. but i ended up having to rescue her because he dumped it on her face. when i'm sad he gives me loves. monday we were sooo sick. me and lance were throwing up ever 2 minutes and fighting over the bathroom. poor hyrum just wanted some attention and me and lance was in bed dying. so i went out to lay on the couch and watch How To Train Your Dragon 2. he, of course, was sitting in his recliner next to the couch. so i laid down and snuggled into a blanket and he climbed under the blanket with me and snuggled me for a good hour till my mom came and got him so we could just rest. and it was so sweet. i love him.

I'm also pretty grateful for my animals. i've had a few in my life and they have all left their little mark on me. Danny for one. danny was with my family for 11 years. he was amazing. the best cow dog in the world. so smart and loving and protective. i still cry when i think about him. if there is anyone in this world that i miss beyond belief, it's him. i've always been ok with people dying, you know, because i knew i could see them again. and i know i can see him again but, oh man, i miss him. 

Fi is my little shadow. she drives me nuts sometimes but i love her. lance gave her to me when we were first married and she has been with my literally the whole time. always a little comfort thing. now there's: Drafis, margaret, rudy, blue,  millie, creature, noodles, and damien. this is not including my fish. i like them but i'm not so attached. except for hose B. but i was pregnant….hormones.

i'm grateful for where i live. malta is great and filled with amazing people. and i like being able to be around what i know. farm life. boom! i love it. 

my neighbors are awesome. i love them. i like being able to take 2 steps out of my house and being able to shoot a bird and it's not a big deal. 

i'm diggin my fireplace lately. it keeps us warms when it's freezing outside and it helps me get my pyromaniacs out of my system. i always burn myself on it, but i have pretty cool scars.

i'm thankful for my family. my parent's and my siblings. they have always been there. even when i've been a monster. they've taught me so much and i love them. they are my best friends in the world.

speaking of best friends. kallie. she saves me and gives me some sanity when i'm ready to kill something. i can rant to her and she like "ok good rant. oh a side note, GOSSIP!!" and i hate to admit this but we do gossip. like little hens. 

and other friends! Kylie, Alexa, Jen Spencer, Jen Harris, Poopy Kris, Sue, Rachel, Brandee, Whitley, Gary and Valerie, Bonnie, Zach and i mean there's ton more. i can't name them all or people would get sick of reading and i'm thinking that this is pretty long already. it includes more roommates, aunts, uncles, co-workers, and just random people. but if i didn't name you and you consider us friends…then insert your name (here).

my in-laws. my personality is a rough one to get used to and it's taken a while but i think they've got it!! they've helped us so much and i love them. i don't' say "i love you" to people…except lance and my kids. but i do love them. 

the church. me and lance have been sealed in the temple for all time and eternity. i can't tell you how magnificent that is. knowing that i will be with my best friend and my babies for the rest of eternity is such a comfort. i can't imagine not being able to be with them when i die. and i love going to the temple for date night. it brings us closer and helps us be better. 

and last lance. Lance is my best friend for ever and ever. literally…we're stuck that way! and stuck is the wrong word but you get it. we have an amazing marriage. we have gone through some pretty rough and rocky times where i was plotting an "accident" (totally joking btw) but we got it worked out and worked through it. through prayer, temple sessions, long conversations, arguments, and some advice from the best couple in the world. i can imagine my life without him. i mean i went a couple years without him but i would rather not. it looks dark and lonely. today on the way to soda he kept pushing my buttons and i was so irritated. and i don't know why but i was ready to just walk but the whole time he kept me laughing and eventually got me out of it. he knows me. he knows what i need and when i need it. not material things but comfort and love and that kind of thing. there's no such thing as a "perfect" marriage. but i'm thinking that we're perfect for us. we still fight and argue and make each other mad but i firmly believe that it's not the fights that matter, it's how you make up that matters. and we do. it takes about 10 min to cool off but we always make up and there's always an apology somewhere. and even if we are so mad at each other there's always an "i love you" and a kiss before we part ways. he is my comfort. he is my love. he's not my everything but he's my partner in my everything. because my family is my everything. he comes before my kids, and a lot of times, he comes before myself. and i love that. he hardly ever calls me by my name. its either "beautiful" or "babe" or "love". that's the way he is tho. i mean he's done that with his girlfriends too but even if i'm super crusty that day and all sweaty and covered in baby poop or spit up or peanut butter, he always smiles at me and tells me how beautiful i am. he is such a great hard working man and i love him more than anything.

i know it was long. sorry. but i did leave a few things out. there's so much that i am grateful for. i love my life. the people (and animals) in it. and how things are going for me. we have been through trials but always come out on top and i'm thankful for those trials. they suck but they shape us. 

life with 2 kids

i keep getting asked the question "so, what's it like with 2 kids?" and to be honest…it's the same as having one. i'm sure i'll be singing a different tune when she's dumping fish food out and scattering dog food with hyrum, but right now she basically just eats and sleeps and so i still get to play with hyrum and he still gets a ton of attention. now when i have 3…i hear that's harder. but i'm excited.

 a lot of people think i'm insane for wanting 7 kids, but i look at my two kids and i think…how could i not want 7? i mean we're going to be soooo poor for a really long time but it's worth it. i don't mind not being able to go buy myself nice things and spending my extra cash on a little toy or a nice shirt for hyrum or some pants for hyrum. i don't run around naked so i think i'm doing pretty well. and i get clothes for my birthday and christmas. so why should i spend the money on me and when i could be spending it on my children? i keep hearing comments that i'm basically useless because i stay home with my kids. why would i spend money having someone else do the job i was made to do? i had my kids so i could raise them, so they could spend their days playing with their mom and having fun with each other. so when i hear those comments i think well ouch but oh well because i'm close to my babies! and i loved having my mom home every day. so i get to give them that opportunity.

Hyrum is getting more used to Rohe. now he helps change her diapers and burp her. and when she's sad he pats her head and gives her loves and says "it's okay" over and over till i come and actually make her happy. he's such a good brother. yesterday we were decorating the christmas tree and she was just chillin in her swing and it was pretty warm so we didn't have a blanket on her but he decided that she was cold so he gave her his blankie. and then gave her The Friend to read. he even opened it for her. he's a good little boy. 

yesterday morning he dumped out her liquid thrush medicine all over my recliner, wrote with permanent marker on my bed, scattered and ate dog food, and tipped his dresser over. he's a mischievous little kid but he's a good boy. he's got a good heart and he's so happy. unless he doesn't have a nap and then it's an awful day for everyone. 

lance sure does love his little girl. right now he's in the living room talking to her and giggling at her. i love my husband. he is the best husband in the world. he helps me so much and is more than happy to do it. he let me have a 3 hour nap today and woke me up so that i would be able to sleep tonight. he woke me up with kisses. he makes me so happy. my favorite thing is when we're in the kitchen and the radio is playing and he grabs me and dances with me. usually hyrum gets a little jealous so he's in the middle of us signing and giggling. lance knows how to push my buttons and piss me off, but he knows how to make me happy in less than 2 seconds. he is my favorite person in the whole world and my best friend.

i have been so blessed with an amazing family. i wouldn't trade them for anything

Baby Rohe

on October 27th i went in to the hospital with only one child and left on the 28th with two. my doctor took pity on me and asked when i wanted to have her. at that point i was dilated to a 1 and 0% effaced. anyway he said "when do you want to have this baby" and i scoffed and said "yesterday" and he said lets do next wednesday instead and i was like…OK!! so he called the birth center to set it up and they said it needed to be monday. so the next 4 days were the longest days of my life but it was nice because i made sure that everything was done. i got all of the laundry done, everything set up, deep cleaned everything so it wouldn't be so bad if i didn't do anything for a day or two, and cleaned out my fridge (which was an excellent move because i live in an amazing community and have had 10 or so people bring us meals. we have left overs! i haven't ate this good since i was in high school). 

we left the house around 6:45. melanie came and stayed with hyrum. we went over to my parents house so my dad could help lance give me a blessing. never give birth without a blessing. i weighed 148 when we got in there and still at a 1 and 0%. they put the IV in and got me started. Dr Graham came in at 9 to see how it was going. i was having contractions but it was just tightening. no pain except for a little discomfort in my back. he said i needed to have her by 5 so he could go home…challenge accepted. my mom got there around 11 and then she left to go have lunch with my dad and jeremy and while she was gone my gramma and grampa showed up! they were driving through. at this point i started having contractions that hurt but i didn't want them to know because i wanted them to stay so i hid it. and it wasn't easy and i don't even know if i succeeded. it was around 1 or 2 when they left and the nurse checked me and i was FINALLY at a 2. holy….crap……i had been there for over 6 hours and was only at a 2. i almost killed someone. but then dr graham said if i got to hurting too bad just get the epidural….don't mind if i do! so i waited another hour or so and then i got the epidural from a guy named Fritz. his name was Fritz. which was cool enough but he had the pain killer so he was my best friend. then i went from a 4 to a 10 in an hour and a half. i pushed 5 times and she was here! she was born at 5:56 (i was pretty close to 5) and she was 6 lbs 15 oz and 19". 

i was so tired. epidural makes me sleepy so i was seriously struggling to stay awake and i was numb. i loved it. i didn't feel hardly anything. i like being numb. but not being tired. 

Ashley came and visited me and then took over my bed

Lance fell in love with her immediately 

our first family of 4 picture

little Rohe

i was soooooo tired

it took him 6 days to even touch her without crying

he was singing twinkle twinkle little star to her and she loved it

she's such a good baby. i usually have to wake her up so she can eat. she smiles all the time and only cries when she's hungry. she is the definition of "perfect baby". just like hyrum was. he was the same way. and he's making up for it right now. poor little guy. he is starving for attention. i feel so bad for him. he keeps getting into mischief and is really whiny. he gets the worst when i'm feeding her. oh! she eats so good. she's got a good little appetite. anyway i don't like getting after him all the time but i don't want him to think that he can get away with everything. i let him help me change her diaper and burp her and he snuggles with her and i spend some time watching cartoons with him. so he is involved, he's just not adjusting very well. it'll take a bit longer. right now he's looking at the last picture saying "so tute" 

hyrum is a talented little fart. he can sing you are my sunshine, the theme song to gilmore girls, every song on mickey mouse club house, twinkle twinkle little star, and wheels on the bus. and he can count to 10. he talks. but its the kind of toddler talk that only the parents can understand. before we put him to bed at night we say family prayer in his room. he folds his arms and says amen. we're still working on the kneeling. and he likes nursery! he's also starting to like my dad. he likes the concept of my dad but is still a little hesitant around him. ashley and justin are his favorite. but when you're constantly playing with him and giving him attention and loving on him, you will be his favorite. 

this entry has been long enough i feel so i'm gonna end it. and i'm hungry so i wanna eat. and when hyrum takes a nap, i'm going to nap because i am tired. i didn't get to rest at all after i had Rohe. i think yesterday was the first day i got to actually stay home and chill…but of course i didn't. i cleaned. but today is a lazy day for sure. the first one i've had. i might do some laundry but i only have 4 more loads before it's all done.