Thanksgiving!!

we're gonna be a little cliche right about now. it's thanksgiving so EVERYONE and their dog (if they could talk) is listing everything that they are grateful for. and i'm just about to jump on that bandwagon. everyone's posted it on Facebook. i'm not going to lie when i say that i always skip of the thankful statuses. they are always too long and i get side tracked so i never actually read them. i know, i'm a terrible person. i don't know how i live with myself.

First off, i'm thankful for my baby, Rohe. she's a fat little thing and she is amazing. she is officially a month old today! she is getting huge and she. is. bald. haha it's pretty cute. it would be tons cuter if i could actually keep some head bands for her. between my "safe spots" for them and hyrum thinking fi needs to wear them, they are slowly disappearing. she bring so much happiness to our little family. hyrum loves her. he always wants to hold her and gets so mad when i take her away. he gets so worried when she cries. lance jumps up to save her every time she squeaks. she is so loved. i'm pretty fond of her too. i mean i did give birth to her. after we had our miscarriage, i was almost positive that we wouldn't be able to have anymore. there aren't any babies that can take the place of my little angel baby, but she did give me some comfort and made me realize that i will be able to be with my baby when i die. she didn't take the place but she made it just a little easier to move on.

next, i'm thankful for my little boy. Hyrum is such a good little boy. he is so happy most of the time (not including when he needs a nap. he's a beast then and i am almost positive he gets it from me). he is so smart and so tender hearted. he is also mischievous. and he loves to help. he "helps" me with dishes and with Rohe. he helps but hinders. it makes me so happy that he likes to help though because there are so many kids that don't care and just want to be lazy. he is my best little friend. yesterday morning he helped me give Rohe a bath. he put soap on her little belly and then rinsed her hair. but i ended up having to rescue her because he dumped it on her face. when i'm sad he gives me loves. monday we were sooo sick. me and lance were throwing up ever 2 minutes and fighting over the bathroom. poor hyrum just wanted some attention and me and lance was in bed dying. so i went out to lay on the couch and watch How To Train Your Dragon 2. he, of course, was sitting in his recliner next to the couch. so i laid down and snuggled into a blanket and he climbed under the blanket with me and snuggled me for a good hour till my mom came and got him so we could just rest. and it was so sweet. i love him.

I'm also pretty grateful for my animals. i've had a few in my life and they have all left their little mark on me. Danny for one. danny was with my family for 11 years. he was amazing. the best cow dog in the world. so smart and loving and protective. i still cry when i think about him. if there is anyone in this world that i miss beyond belief, it's him. i've always been ok with people dying, you know, because i knew i could see them again. and i know i can see him again but, oh man, i miss him. 

Fi is my little shadow. she drives me nuts sometimes but i love her. lance gave her to me when we were first married and she has been with my literally the whole time. always a little comfort thing. now there's: Drafis, margaret, rudy, blue,  millie, creature, noodles, and damien. this is not including my fish. i like them but i'm not so attached. except for hose B. but i was pregnant….hormones.

i'm grateful for where i live. malta is great and filled with amazing people. and i like being able to be around what i know. farm life. boom! i love it. 

my neighbors are awesome. i love them. i like being able to take 2 steps out of my house and being able to shoot a bird and it's not a big deal. 

i'm diggin my fireplace lately. it keeps us warms when it's freezing outside and it helps me get my pyromaniacs out of my system. i always burn myself on it, but i have pretty cool scars.

i'm thankful for my family. my parent's and my siblings. they have always been there. even when i've been a monster. they've taught me so much and i love them. they are my best friends in the world.

speaking of best friends. kallie. she saves me and gives me some sanity when i'm ready to kill something. i can rant to her and she like "ok good rant. oh a side note, GOSSIP!!" and i hate to admit this but we do gossip. like little hens. 

and other friends! Kylie, Alexa, Jen Spencer, Jen Harris, Poopy Kris, Sue, Rachel, Brandee, Whitley, Gary and Valerie, Bonnie, Zach and i mean there's ton more. i can't name them all or people would get sick of reading and i'm thinking that this is pretty long already. it includes more roommates, aunts, uncles, co-workers, and just random people. but if i didn't name you and you consider us friends…then insert your name (here).

my in-laws. my personality is a rough one to get used to and it's taken a while but i think they've got it!! they've helped us so much and i love them. i don't' say "i love you" to people…except lance and my kids. but i do love them. 

the church. me and lance have been sealed in the temple for all time and eternity. i can't tell you how magnificent that is. knowing that i will be with my best friend and my babies for the rest of eternity is such a comfort. i can't imagine not being able to be with them when i die. and i love going to the temple for date night. it brings us closer and helps us be better. 

and last lance. Lance is my best friend for ever and ever. literally…we're stuck that way! and stuck is the wrong word but you get it. we have an amazing marriage. we have gone through some pretty rough and rocky times where i was plotting an "accident" (totally joking btw) but we got it worked out and worked through it. through prayer, temple sessions, long conversations, arguments, and some advice from the best couple in the world. i can imagine my life without him. i mean i went a couple years without him but i would rather not. it looks dark and lonely. today on the way to soda he kept pushing my buttons and i was so irritated. and i don't know why but i was ready to just walk but the whole time he kept me laughing and eventually got me out of it. he knows me. he knows what i need and when i need it. not material things but comfort and love and that kind of thing. there's no such thing as a "perfect" marriage. but i'm thinking that we're perfect for us. we still fight and argue and make each other mad but i firmly believe that it's not the fights that matter, it's how you make up that matters. and we do. it takes about 10 min to cool off but we always make up and there's always an apology somewhere. and even if we are so mad at each other there's always an "i love you" and a kiss before we part ways. he is my comfort. he is my love. he's not my everything but he's my partner in my everything. because my family is my everything. he comes before my kids, and a lot of times, he comes before myself. and i love that. he hardly ever calls me by my name. its either "beautiful" or "babe" or "love". that's the way he is tho. i mean he's done that with his girlfriends too but even if i'm super crusty that day and all sweaty and covered in baby poop or spit up or peanut butter, he always smiles at me and tells me how beautiful i am. he is such a great hard working man and i love him more than anything.

i know it was long. sorry. but i did leave a few things out. there's so much that i am grateful for. i love my life. the people (and animals) in it. and how things are going for me. we have been through trials but always come out on top and i'm thankful for those trials. they suck but they shape us. 

life with 2 kids

i keep getting asked the question "so, what's it like with 2 kids?" and to be honest…it's the same as having one. i'm sure i'll be singing a different tune when she's dumping fish food out and scattering dog food with hyrum, but right now she basically just eats and sleeps and so i still get to play with hyrum and he still gets a ton of attention. now when i have 3…i hear that's harder. but i'm excited.

 a lot of people think i'm insane for wanting 7 kids, but i look at my two kids and i think…how could i not want 7? i mean we're going to be soooo poor for a really long time but it's worth it. i don't mind not being able to go buy myself nice things and spending my extra cash on a little toy or a nice shirt for hyrum or some pants for hyrum. i don't run around naked so i think i'm doing pretty well. and i get clothes for my birthday and christmas. so why should i spend the money on me and when i could be spending it on my children? i keep hearing comments that i'm basically useless because i stay home with my kids. why would i spend money having someone else do the job i was made to do? i had my kids so i could raise them, so they could spend their days playing with their mom and having fun with each other. so when i hear those comments i think well ouch but oh well because i'm close to my babies! and i loved having my mom home every day. so i get to give them that opportunity.

Hyrum is getting more used to Rohe. now he helps change her diapers and burp her. and when she's sad he pats her head and gives her loves and says "it's okay" over and over till i come and actually make her happy. he's such a good brother. yesterday we were decorating the christmas tree and she was just chillin in her swing and it was pretty warm so we didn't have a blanket on her but he decided that she was cold so he gave her his blankie. and then gave her The Friend to read. he even opened it for her. he's a good little boy. 

yesterday morning he dumped out her liquid thrush medicine all over my recliner, wrote with permanent marker on my bed, scattered and ate dog food, and tipped his dresser over. he's a mischievous little kid but he's a good boy. he's got a good heart and he's so happy. unless he doesn't have a nap and then it's an awful day for everyone. 

lance sure does love his little girl. right now he's in the living room talking to her and giggling at her. i love my husband. he is the best husband in the world. he helps me so much and is more than happy to do it. he let me have a 3 hour nap today and woke me up so that i would be able to sleep tonight. he woke me up with kisses. he makes me so happy. my favorite thing is when we're in the kitchen and the radio is playing and he grabs me and dances with me. usually hyrum gets a little jealous so he's in the middle of us signing and giggling. lance knows how to push my buttons and piss me off, but he knows how to make me happy in less than 2 seconds. he is my favorite person in the whole world and my best friend.

i have been so blessed with an amazing family. i wouldn't trade them for anything

Baby Rohe

on October 27th i went in to the hospital with only one child and left on the 28th with two. my doctor took pity on me and asked when i wanted to have her. at that point i was dilated to a 1 and 0% effaced. anyway he said "when do you want to have this baby" and i scoffed and said "yesterday" and he said lets do next wednesday instead and i was like…OK!! so he called the birth center to set it up and they said it needed to be monday. so the next 4 days were the longest days of my life but it was nice because i made sure that everything was done. i got all of the laundry done, everything set up, deep cleaned everything so it wouldn't be so bad if i didn't do anything for a day or two, and cleaned out my fridge (which was an excellent move because i live in an amazing community and have had 10 or so people bring us meals. we have left overs! i haven't ate this good since i was in high school). 

we left the house around 6:45. melanie came and stayed with hyrum. we went over to my parents house so my dad could help lance give me a blessing. never give birth without a blessing. i weighed 148 when we got in there and still at a 1 and 0%. they put the IV in and got me started. Dr Graham came in at 9 to see how it was going. i was having contractions but it was just tightening. no pain except for a little discomfort in my back. he said i needed to have her by 5 so he could go home…challenge accepted. my mom got there around 11 and then she left to go have lunch with my dad and jeremy and while she was gone my gramma and grampa showed up! they were driving through. at this point i started having contractions that hurt but i didn't want them to know because i wanted them to stay so i hid it. and it wasn't easy and i don't even know if i succeeded. it was around 1 or 2 when they left and the nurse checked me and i was FINALLY at a 2. holy….crap……i had been there for over 6 hours and was only at a 2. i almost killed someone. but then dr graham said if i got to hurting too bad just get the epidural….don't mind if i do! so i waited another hour or so and then i got the epidural from a guy named Fritz. his name was Fritz. which was cool enough but he had the pain killer so he was my best friend. then i went from a 4 to a 10 in an hour and a half. i pushed 5 times and she was here! she was born at 5:56 (i was pretty close to 5) and she was 6 lbs 15 oz and 19". 

i was so tired. epidural makes me sleepy so i was seriously struggling to stay awake and i was numb. i loved it. i didn't feel hardly anything. i like being numb. but not being tired. 

Ashley came and visited me and then took over my bed

Lance fell in love with her immediately 

our first family of 4 picture

little Rohe

i was soooooo tired

it took him 6 days to even touch her without crying

he was singing twinkle twinkle little star to her and she loved it

she's such a good baby. i usually have to wake her up so she can eat. she smiles all the time and only cries when she's hungry. she is the definition of "perfect baby". just like hyrum was. he was the same way. and he's making up for it right now. poor little guy. he is starving for attention. i feel so bad for him. he keeps getting into mischief and is really whiny. he gets the worst when i'm feeding her. oh! she eats so good. she's got a good little appetite. anyway i don't like getting after him all the time but i don't want him to think that he can get away with everything. i let him help me change her diaper and burp her and he snuggles with her and i spend some time watching cartoons with him. so he is involved, he's just not adjusting very well. it'll take a bit longer. right now he's looking at the last picture saying "so tute" 

hyrum is a talented little fart. he can sing you are my sunshine, the theme song to gilmore girls, every song on mickey mouse club house, twinkle twinkle little star, and wheels on the bus. and he can count to 10. he talks. but its the kind of toddler talk that only the parents can understand. before we put him to bed at night we say family prayer in his room. he folds his arms and says amen. we're still working on the kneeling. and he likes nursery! he's also starting to like my dad. he likes the concept of my dad but is still a little hesitant around him. ashley and justin are his favorite. but when you're constantly playing with him and giving him attention and loving on him, you will be his favorite. 

this entry has been long enough i feel so i'm gonna end it. and i'm hungry so i wanna eat. and when hyrum takes a nap, i'm going to nap because i am tired. i didn't get to rest at all after i had Rohe. i think yesterday was the first day i got to actually stay home and chill…but of course i didn't. i cleaned. but today is a lazy day for sure. the first one i've had. i might do some laundry but i only have 4 more loads before it's all done.

the last few days of just hyrum

i am 39 weeks pregnant. technically i'm 38 weeks and 5 days. close enough! we've made some discoveries. or i should say they made some, i already knew it. but my little girl stopped moving for a few days so i went in for a stress test and everything checked out…but i went back in the very next days because she still wasn't moving and he wanted an ultra sound. when they hooked me up to the machine my pulse was 150. i was laying down and the nurse was really worried. so they called dr graham and took my blood. they still don't know what's wrong with me but my pulse is still super fast. it's regularly around 120. he says that he wants to wait until i calve to do anything about it.

i'm worried that when i end up having her i'm not going to like her as much as i like hyrum. he's my little helper. he's learned how to pick up his toys and his clothes in his bedroom and he loves it. he knows the words to you are my sunshine, twinkle twinkle little star, itsy bitsy spider, wheels on the bus, some of bohemian rhapsody and can count to 10. today he got into my marker while i was on the phone and folding clothes

he knows how to work the system. if he's doing something naughty i ask him if he wants me to spank his butt and he just says "butt?" really cute and then when i count to 3 for him to do something i'll start with "one…" and he'll say "…two!" and i start giggling because it's funny and it makes it hard to discipline the little bugger. 

we got lance's truck back. i traded my .223 for it. it's nice to have it back. we're gonna have to do some work on it. it got all scratched up and rusted. quite sad. but he's glad to have it back. 

anyway that's the only things i can think of that's gone on in the last couple of months. it's been pretty dull around here. i guess when i have the baby i'll put up pictures and such. not like anyone reads this or keeps up on it but it's nice to have for me to remember things. i have a terrible memory.

8.25.14

it's been a while. i've failed miserably. so updates.

hyrum is talking now. only me and lance understand it but he's talking. he can count and is a super dishes helper. he loves dishes and playing outside and cows and horses. we took him to the rodeo and he loved it. he was in a trance through the whole thing. he also loves four wheelers and anything on the farm. he's going to be a good helper to his grampa kurt…once he's not scared of him. he's slowly getting there. he actually talks to him now. he's still weary of him. hyrum's favorite friend is his cousin Maverick. they love each other and it makes me happy. when aimee starts school in a couple of weeks i'm going to be watching Mav every other day and i'm really excited for that. i usually only watch him for church while aimee play's in primary and rhett teaches. him and hyrum talk to each other and it's gibberish but they seem to understand what they mean

lance is still working at the feedlot. it's been awesome to have this job for him. he gets to fix things all day and he loves it. and he's got some good guys to work with. the insurance has been amazing too. he's been doing really well and hyrum loves him. they go play together and i love it. we went to the temple the other day and decided that we need to go more and we're going to shoot for at least once a month. Lance is very excited for our little girl to get here. i have my boy and he wants his girl. hyrum is such a mamas boy that he feels left out sometimes so he wants his daddy's girl. he's also really excited for the ruffles and flowers and lace. there was a little girl in one of our wards and she always wore big poofy dresses and i think that started the clothing obsession for him. well obsession is a strong word. he is just really excited to dress her in poofy dresses and ruffles and lace. 

(note on the beard) he wanted to grow it out till new years but when we went to the temple he decided he wanted to be cleaner shaved so he trimmed it up.

i am obviously pregnant. this one is way better than the last 2. i actually gained 20 pounds! so i don't get yelled at for that. i like not getting scorned for my weight…it's not like i can help it. they did discover that i'm anemic. no big deal i just take iron pills. and i have a lot more energy and i can actually clean my house without passing out or getting sick. i love that. my favorite part of cleaning my house is making the list. i love lists.

(note on the list) we were going to go grocery shopping but he left a little too late and i had to work before he was going to be home so he went instead so i had to make my list understandable for him. he actually did really well by himself! and yes…those are post it notes

i recent got a job at a recovery clinic out in Bridge. i'm excited for that. i feel like it'll be a good job for me to have. lance got on out there too so we'll be working together…but separately so someone can be home with the kids all the time. i've been a lot happier lately for a number of reasons. it's been good to always smile and laugh again. i forgot how funny i think i am. i crack myself up on a daily basis. i'm going to try to blog more often seeing out it's more like a journal to me and one day i'm going to make a book out of it. not like a novel. i'm not the good or interesting but one of those memory books. that would be awesome. 

confession time: my long-time-coming rant

warning: this post will be slightly dramatic.

so i have this feeling that i need to explain why i do what i do, and why i handle things the way i handle them. i have a feeling that there are those who are seeing me as a judgmental, rude, stubborn person. when in fact, i am only one of those things…stubborn.

i have been known to hold grudges. it's a family trait. it comes with the stubborn-ness. i have been trying to get better at that. i let go of how i was treated in high school and realized that i deserved 95% percent of it. i let go of the instances where people have used and abused me. i let go of the things that people have done to my loved ones that caused them pain. but i feel like if it's an ongoing process of hurting me and causing me grief, treating me like i would treat a nasty pile of vomit and saying things to and about me to other, i just need to let go of that person.

 there's this saying "turn the other cheek" or something. i learned it in primary. but there is someone that i have turned the other cheek like 50 times and it hasn't done anything.  there's another saying: it happens once, shame on you. it happens twice, shame on me. but…and that's a huge "but"... in this situation it is: it happens once, shame on me. it happens twice, shame on me…all the way up to it's happened close to 50 times…shame on me. everything that happens always falls back to it being my fault, and it causes tension where there should not be any tension.

in places where i am supposed to feel safe, i always feel under attack and on guard. if i say something…sometimes anything at all (ex. i don't like summer) it's taken wrong and it gets twisted and i get made fun of, yelled at, accused of ridiculous things and shunned (only for a couple minutes but still it shouldn't happen). if i give my opinion on anything, such as church and how i agree with a talk, it's a personal attack on someone.

so as to why i deal with things the way i do….if i have tried to have a good relationship with someone, and i mean really tried, but it always backfires, i'm gonna let go of that person. if i have let go of things that were said to me and done to me and forgiven someone for the same thing time after time after time after time (i could go on) i'm gonna let go of that person. if i can't ever speak freely without someone yelling at me, telling me that i'm judgmental (even if it wasn't even a judgmental statement at all), i'm gonna let go of that person. if i feel that having someone in my life that is always fighting me (most times over nothing at all) and is causing unnecessary drama and problems, i'm gonna let go of that person. why? because i am the kind of person that won't let people walk all over me. i'm the kind of person who will always stand up for myself, my husband, my children, and what i believe in (but not in the obnoxious "in your face" way that most people do these days). i will forgive and forget for something that is done to me by the same person. but if it happens 5 or 6 times….i'm still going to forgive and forget, but i'm gonna let go of that person. because that person is tearing me down spiritually by causing me to have harsh feelings. and that person thinks that it's ok to treat people like that and that it's fine, and i personally don't want my children to think that it's ok to treat people rudely like that and to caused problems where there shouldn't be problems. i'm trying to live my life like a good person and that is hard to do if i have to constantly fight with someone over something so ridiculous. and it's hard to talk to someone if they are constantly taking what i say and are twisting it and making it rude. i don't ever fight just to fight. i don't ever take the first strike. in order to fight, i have to first have someone say something extremely rude to me and start that fight. in order to get mad, i have to be provoked by someone misusing  and abusing me over and over again. and i do not want to live like that anymore.

i apologize if this offends some people…but here's the thing. it shouldn't. so if it does then maybe i need to let go of you too. i have been super cautious about what i've put on here to make it not to one specific person because it's not just one specific person. but if you're feeling guilty then maybe the shoe fits and somethings gotta change. if you have an issue with me, instead of talking about me, try talking to me. if i've offended you with something that i say, talk to me about it. don't yell at me and accuse me of things but tell me calmly and we'll work through it. and i know there are those thinking "well why don't you go talk to whoever you have beef with, hypocrite" and my response is this. every person that i have had a problem with, i have confronted. sometimes it's worked out. other times it blew up right in my face. but as of late, i'm not the one with the problem with people. they have the problem with me. because they take what i say completely wrong, they take what i do (even if it's going to work) and make it rude (i'm not exaggerating either). and i have a couple people that i confide in and i tell them the story and tell them exactly what happened and what i said and ask them if they think it was rude, if i was taking it wrong, if i actually did something wrong. and sometimes i do take it wrong so i don't do anything about it and i let it go. but most times the response is "nope, you did nothing wrong".

so that is my rant. i hope that if anyone is thinking poorly of me, you will understand why i let go of some people. i hope that if someone has a problem with something i say, or are offended by it, you'll come to me. not my mother, not my husband, but me. and ask me if i meant it rude or how i meant it. my brother does that. if he thinks i'm taking a stab at him and i'm not he'll call me up and ask me if i meant it that way. if i did then i tell him yes and say why. but if i didn't i say no and i explain and that is how peace is kept. not by nosey people causing problems where there shouldn't be but by the person who is upset about it talking about it to me. most of the time is misinterpreted. and i guess that's my fault. i've never really known how to say things gracefully. but i have known how to resolve issues if they are brought up to me.

on a brighter note, it's saturday. it's general conference weekend and it's one of my favorite weekends. so many awesome talks, family time, and crepes!!! i love all of you (unless i don't know you then i guess…i don't know you). i gotta go eat some food and get ready for work.

it's been a day or so...

...when i say "day" i really mean "month". it is now march. there's been a few things.

lance got a job! at interstate feeders. he is loving it. more than life. and i'm glad that he likes it! it's good to have my husband say "i miss work" on his days off instead of "jeez i need more time off". it's pretty awesome. he recently bought his dream truck to fix up. he spends a lot of his time trying to fix everything. i'm glad he has it to keep him busy. once it's all done it's gonna be one sexy piece of chev.

hyrum is bigger than ever and this kid has so much personality. i only know of one kid his age that has more personality than he does and that's his cousin, jak. that little jak is full of life. i really wanna meet the kid in real life. he's got the mentality of a 3 year old. but hyrum isn't that advanced. that's ok tho. he's more advanced than a lot of kids his age. he loves fish. he pulls our kitchen chairs to see the fish tank. he calls them shish. he loves the cows. his favorite is to go with his grampa kurt and see them cows. if me and lance are watching dr pol on animal planet he sees the cows (or even horses) and starts mooing. he has an ear infection right now, my poor little guy. but is still in good spirits….most of the time.

one sunday, at my parent's house, we were having dinner and someone left the door open. i went in the living room and everyone else came in too and hyrum was playing with amber. well she left too. after like 5 min i realized i didn't hear a little hyrum anymore. so i went outside and started looking. first in the front in case he was on the road. then around back and then i thought maybe he made it over to aunt cindy's. so i head over there and open the door, sure enough, he was chillin with cindy, eating goldfish. and he was as happy as can be. oh the little turd. i about crapped my pants looking for the little guy and he was just having a snack. needless to say the door stays closed and locked because he can open it.

i am pregnant for the 3rd time and so super sick. i work at bake central still but i'm starting to have to call in because i'm worthless there. lance's sister lindsey gets off her mission in a week tho and she said she was going to start working there again so maybe she'll take me spot till i have the baby or till she goes to school. i think its a boy and lance thinks its a girl. i'll tell you why i think its a boy. in my family, when we're pregnant with boys, we crave healthy things like fruit and stuff. and when we're pregnant with girls we want greasy, all things fried, donuts. with hyrum i craved fruit. citrus, strawberries, carrots, anything fruity or salad. with my last one (which i'm pretty sure was a girl) was wendy's wendy's wendy's…pop pop pop…and donuts galore. not to mention taco b, pizza, chips, nachos, and kfc. greasy greasy.  and right now i'll do anything for a grape fruit or strawberries. good thing we got some yesterday when we were in town for hyrum's dr appointment. i think lance just really wants a girl. i mean i want a girl too but as long as there's a healthy baby in there i'm happy.

a week or so ago i was at work and we got really really busy and there was a really high stress level along with running around and stuff. well i started cramping. the not friendly cramping. the hey something's wrong cramping. so i called sami perkins to trade me off and i went home and called the dr. he wanted me in. the receptionist said "right now". so jeez that got me worried and i started to panic. i called lance because i didn't want to be alone for some bad news. lance's boss is awesome and let him off a couple hours early. we got there and he tried to find a heart beat and couldn't find it…but i was about 8 and a half weeks so that was to be expected. however he was still a little worried and i was still freaked out so he sent us to ultra sound. they gave me a ton of water and put me in a little room to watch rocky 2. i tried to take my mind off of everything and just watch rocky and apollo right but then this goofy kid about lances age if not a couple years older came in and took us back. we found the heart beat…which was good. but there was also some light hemorrhaging. dr graham said that it wasn't anything to be really concerned about but that i'll start spotting in a few days and that he would be really surprised if i didn't. i still haven't. so i'm not exactly sure what that means that i was hemorrhaging. so i googled it. and number one rule during pregnancy (aside from the obvious don't smoke, no drugs or alcohol) is DO NOT GOOGLE!!! i googled. aaaaand according to google i have cancer and it's terminal and i'm going to die. so i just left it at that and i'm gonna just do with dr graham tells me to do.

hyrum just woke up and needs his medicine and i'm pretty sure he's gonna be super excited about breakfast this morning so i'm gonna get up and get him

2013 in a nutshell

2013 was an awful year for me and lance. but it was a fantastic year too. i should say the first half was awesome and the second half was terrible. but my brother, ty, called on christmas and told me something that made me feel better about all the crap that's happened to us in the last 6 months. i was telling him that we're finally starting to have things go right for us and he said that if we have trials and bad things happen to us then we're doing it right. and if we don't have anything happen to us then we're doing something wrong. and when we have bad things happen to us, usually there's something amazing coming just around the corner. it's heavenly father's way of testing how faithful we actually are. i hope we passed.

anyway. 2013 started out as good as it possibly could. we had a 3 week old baby. that was new but really cool. we were starting out our new family and we were hitting our 1 year mark which meant something even better. we were going to get sealed in the temple for all time and eternity. we got sealed on january 15th in the logan temple. being with lance and hyrum in the sealing room was the happiest i have ever been. seeing my little boy in his white suit and my husband in white was the best thing that has ever happened to me. we had made it so far in our life together and now it was going to last for eternity.

then we moved to logan. i didn't want to move to logan. why? because i don't like utah. and i don't like cities. let's be real. the biggest place i had ever lived was rexburg and i spent most of my time on the outskirts and away from everyone and we were moving to this place where it's impossible to go anywhere unless you wanted to spend an hour just driving through all the traffic. logan was a new adventure. we spent most of it hiding from our neighbors. they were really weird. but i guess to them we were the weird hermit family that only nodded in passing and whose dogs had to go to the bathroom every 2 minutes.

then we found out that we were pregnant with our second child and we couldn't be more excited. we were beyond happy. we were planning out our living situation, what we were going to name it, what it was going to be, how hyrum would like it. we planned everything. and then i went in for my 10 week check up. the heart wasn't beating. and that's when the year 2013 went down the crapper. the next 3 months were miserable. we quit school and came back to malta. we were living in a camper trailer in the middle of a field. not my ideal living place. if i hadn't lost the baby, i would be having it march 16th. we would know what it was and i would be pushing 30 weeks. it's hard for me to see everyone pregnant and complaining about how miserable they are when i would kill to have that misery. i swear i will never complain about being pregnant again....if i ever get pregnant again. to be honest, i'm not sure that it'll happen but i guess we'll take that as it comes to us.

then we found the Barretts. they are letting us live in their house. i am positive that sue was a godsend. she got my mind off of everything bad that was happening to me. with finances and the miscarriage. she became my person. i could talk to someone about it. and she could give me advice and listen. and we made this house really cute and that made me happy. working is the best thing. and i started working at bake central and have bonnie and valerie and gary that i can talk to and they listen and give me advice and take my mind off of things.

things still aren't perfect. but hyrum is walking and saying words and chasing the dogs. he's got such a big personality it kills me. and lance is being the best husband that he's ever been. we're pushing two years being married...that's awesome. considering no one thought we would ever make it past 2 months. to them i say: why have so little faith in me? and thanks for the support. (*SARCASM*SARCASM*) but we're doing what we need to do so i know everything is going to work out the way it needs to.

so here's to a happy 2014!!! i really really really hope it's better than the last.