it's FINALLY done!!

ok when we moved into this house we had worked really hard on it to feel like it was our home. and we have a wonderful neighbor/landlord that helped us make it cute and like our own. she is awesome. i already put on pictures of the living room....somewhat. i want to wait till it's decorated before i post all of the pictures. but hyrum's room is done so i'm going to show everyone what it looks like because i am danged proud of what i did.

so this is what it looked like before. basic light pink and red trim with orange carpet. 

this is what his crib looked like. it was a dark wood...with bite marks all over it. he actually chewed a chunk...a big chunk.  and i can't find any pictures of his dresser it was just a light wood. but now everything matches!!

ignore the red trim i forgot to get trim paint. 

we're gonna put baskets and figurines and books and stuff in these cubbies

the newly painted dresser

and last but not least.......

the crib. 

try to ignore the terrible lighting. i am limited with my light and that's the best i can do. it does look better in real human life tho. i'm really excited about his room for a number of reasons. first-i now only have one more room and the house is totally complete in the way that i want it. second-now he has a cute room. he was 3 months old since he had a cute nursery. third-his furniture matches instead of looking like we got everything from the DI. and last-because i did it all by myself and i'm danged proud  of myself. i'm not a pro and it's definitely not perfect but i think it's cute and i like it. 

it's the MOST wonderful time.....EVER!!!

CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS!!! oh my gosh!! ok for real...who doesn't love christmas? everything is so sparkly and pretty and fun and people are usually happier and nicer. BOOM!! best time of the year.

this year was a lot better than last year. last year we had just had a baby and spent all of our money on baby stuff and we unable to get anything for each other. but this year WE GOT EVERYTHING!!! and it made me happy because i was able to make hyrum smile with little boy presents that little boys like. and i got lance what he's been wanting for a long time! i really don't care if i get anything or not. it makes me happy to see my boys happy.

speaking of happy. i've been a lot happier. i have people to talk to and friends. i am working at Bake Central and i work with 3 amazing people that get my personality and aren't repulsed when i use the phrase "i seriously almost crapped my pants". and i have the best neighbor in the world. i have people to go to if i need them and it's great.

Lance got a new job in malta. HUZZAH! he'd been traveling all the way to burley 4 times a week and was gone all night. this job will be more hours and benefits and close to home. he's been really excited. he is bummed that he turned 23 though. he's pretty sure that he should NOT be 23. oh i love him. i don't know what i'd do without him. right now he's out on the couch snoring. but i need to wake him up so we can go to the movie Frozen with my family for Christmas!!

Hyrum is eating up all of the attention and the toys. he is such a little character. he gets into everything. and i let him. i figure that he needs to explore in order to learn. i mean i don't let him make a huge mess or get into dangerous things but if he wants to play with my mixing spoons and measuring cups then why not. it just means that he might like to help me in the kitchen one day. i would not complain. his favorite thing in the world is Fi. it's so cute to watch them together in the car. i love it. he likes the toilet and figured out how to open the lid so now the bathroom door is always closed. ick...we dont like toilet water.

for christmas this year we stayed in malta. on christmas eve, lance's birthday, we went out and fed cows with roland and hyrum helped drive while me and lance threw off hay for the cows. he loved the cows. he wanted to chase them and got mad when i wouldn't let him. then we had a big dinner and opened some presents, read the nativity story and watched a movie. well me and lance tried to watch a movie. hyrum was tired and waaaay too grumpy so we took him home and we watched a movie here. and this morning we woke up and opened our presents and headed over to my parents to open more presents. hyrum was in heaven. so much paper to play with. so many people that he loves. and a ton of orange sticks to snack on. we spent the rest of the day lounging around and playing with our new toys. mine include a bb gun and a 12 gauge shotgun...thank you lance!!! i have the best husband ever right?

so i hope everyone had a merry christmas, cuz we sure did!!!

My Little Man

oh my gosh!!! he's a year now! i still remember giving birth like it was a year ago...maybe because i have the memory of a gold fish. but still. i have some memories of it.

i ended up having to work but lance had hyrum and oh they played. but when i got off work we headed down to utah to go see the light. lance's sisters weren't able to make it to his dessert on sunday so we had dinner down there with them.

we had dessert sunday and opened presents and then watched the christmas devotional. it was so much fun. he loved his presents! he got riding toys and trucks and clothes and of course he loved his trucks. anything with wheels makes engine noises and goes backwards.

he loved the lights. he kept waving to people and talking and squealing. he stayed really warm too. then when we got back to the car he decided to start singing "mom mom mom mom" and then started yelling "daddy!! daddy!" oh he loves his daddy. he follows lance everywhere and has to be with him all the time.

Happy Birthday Baby!!

cliche thanksgiving

my day started out amazing....throwing up. i have been infected by the flu. no, i'm not pregnant. i know there's a ton of people thinking that.  i thought that the first couple times. but then when i kept getting worse i realized that it was just the flu. thanksgiving dinner was at lance's parent's house. i sent my boys and stayed home. while they were gone i threw up 3 more times. and then lance had his parents take hyrum for the day so that i could sleep and get feeling better. and lance went to work. i got a call a few minutes ago and he's been throwing up too so he's coming home.

when bart brought hyrum back from staying at their house, the first thing i saw was a huge smile on his beautiful little face. he was so excited to see me and i was out of my mind missing him. i haven't touched him all day and it's killed me. so i put him in his crib and talked to him for a bit and then said my goodnights to him and blew him some kisses.

while i'm waiting for lance to get home i'm really just watching grey's anatomy, but i'm also thinking. there's facebook posts everywhere about what everyone is thankful for. family and friends mostly. so i starting wondering what i was most thankful for. i'd have to say the gospel. without the gospel in my life there's no way i would have gotten through any of the trials that have been handed to me. but coming in close at #2 is my family. Lance and Hyrum and my little shadow, Fi. and of course our Creature. he makes us laugh and smile and hyrum loves his Creature.

I'll start with lance. lance was one of my best friends in high school. we have always had crushes on each other (you know cuz he's so attractive and amazing). we didn't date before we got married. we just up and decided it was a fantastic idea. turns out...it was. the best decision we've ever made. he's always been there for me. he's made me cry and wiped my tears and he's made me laugh...and wiped my tears (you know...from laughing so hard). he's been by my side every time i'm sick. he takes care of hyrum when i can't (i'm a sickly one) and he always puts my needs before his own. and most importantly, he gave me Hyrum.

Hyrum is amazing. he's a fun little guy. he is a little stink sometimes and has really turned into a mama's boy...but i cant complain. it just means that i'm his favorite and he loves me. hyrum was gone all day today while i was sick. the first thing he did when he came through that door with bart was have a huge smile on his face and wanted me. oh i missed him. he's my best little friend. his  new favorite thing to do is get in the dog food. and when i start to go get him he kicks his little feet and squeals and throws as much dog food as he possibly can. it's kinda funny so i can't really do anything about it cuz it always just makes me laugh. and when he's doing something that he shouldn't and we say "no no" he gives us a "uh-oh" look and shakes his head at us. he kills me.

Fi. people think i'm weird to be so close to my dog but she's my little shadow. i don't go hardly anywhere without her. a lot of people told me that i'll not like her anymore after i had hyrum but they were wrong. i love her even more. she's like a little mother to him. he pulls her hair and she just plays with him. when i brought him home today and put him in his crib, she was trying so hard to get in with him to love on him before he went to sleep. she didn't leave my side at all today while i was sick and throwing up. she would sit outside the bathroom door...if she wasn't in with me...till i was done then follow me back to bed and snuggle up next to me. she's my best friend.

and creature. he's always so excited to see us when we go over to the farm. hyrum loves him. he watches him out of the window. and one day he even said "creature" it was pretty awesome. creature loves lance. he tries to come home with us. if we could have him. i'd do it in a heart beat. but he's happier out at the farm. he chases birds and shreds them on my mom's lawn and plays with chubs and cocoa. he's a fun dog and we love him.

there are a lot of things that i'm thankful for. a ton of things. but the gospel and my family are both competing for number one. lance got home and brought me a sprite so i'm gonna sip on my sprite and try to make him feel better. oops i got him sick. that's a given tho. if he gets sick, he gives it to me. and if i get sick, i give it to him. no matter how hard we try not to spread our nasty little sicknesses, they always get spread. i'm hoping and praying this one skips hyrum. i don't think i can handle the throw up. i kind of have a really weak stomach.  anyway till next time! godspeed, friends.

happy thanksgiving!!! love, the deters family

sneak peak!!

so i'm going to only post a little of the living room. we aren't done decorating or putting stuff in but i'm way too excited about this so i'm going to put a couple pictures

and now

now keep in mind that it's not all put together yet and there's still touch ups. but i'm way excited!!

frustrations, joy, agitation, laughter...rollercoaster

let me get one thing clear. i am an open book...online. not when you see me on the street...or in the store (unless you work with me. i tend to get chatty when i'm nervous and i get nervous when i'm working). i don't have very many things that i feel are too private to share. there are some things that i feel like i need to write them down in a blog to feel better about them. and if people read it...i don't really care. but i get embarrassed if someone brings it up later. i don't know why.

updates on all of us: Lance is now working at the sugar factory in Rupert...or Paul. i'm not exactly sure which. it's all the same to me. but he works from 5:00 PM to 5:00 AM for 3 days on and 3 days off. he gets tired but it pays good and we need it...soooo bad. he's been trying to get a deer for the last couple weeks and hasn't seen a thing. lance is a special kind of husband. he'll do anything for me...unless it's fixing something, then i have to beg him and remind him constantly to do it. he gets frustrated but we always end in giggles. and he loves his little boy

Hyrum is walking everywhere. he just stands up where ever he's at and goes. he's getting better and better. we got his pictures taking with Charise, Lance's sister. she did such a good job. he's a cute little guy. his first word is "Amber". he loves his aunt Amber. he'll chose her over me any day of the week. his favorite thing to do is chase the dogs. they run from him and he giggles and chases them. he's such a good little boy. he is my favorite little boy.

 i am working and busy. i work at bake central in malta on mondays and tuesdays and i really like it. working for the Bake's has been a really good thing for me. oh and i work with Bonnie. i love Bonnie. when i'm not working at bake central i'm cleaning, or doing laundry, or playing with hyrum, or doing stuff for the trucks. i didn't think that i would be able to keep this busy but, alas, i have. i got a new calling in church. i am now the enrichment leader...'s assistant. i basically just do what i'm told. i realllly want to do a craft for christmas so i've been looking at pinterest finding all sorts of artsy and craftsy stuff. and now i want to do EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD. but i can't because it's 9:22 at night and i'm not talented. i'm still really struggling with the miscarriage. and when i see people due the same time as i was, i can't help but cry. i feel like my baby was taken away so that someone else can have theirs. someone, who i feel, is less deserving. but who am i to judge that??? who am i to feel like they don't deserve to have their child?? what the heck is wrong with me??!! i would really like to know. i wish they had a remedy for this empty feeling that i have. i love my boys. i do. lance and hyrum are my light in my dark and dreary world. but i have this empty crater in my gut and my soul and i just don't know how to fill it. i feel like i'm constantly sad. i have struggled with depression since i hit puberty and usually i can handle it in a way that people would barely notice. and if they did notice i would just say "i'm tired". but i can't do it anymore. when people ask whats wrong, i snap at them. i bite their heads off. i usually end up saying some smart aleky remark like "oh you know...i just had my baby die...inside of me. so i'm just doing swell" or "you don't care anyway so why should i tell you" and its starting to really effect (i'm pretty sure that's the right one) my relationship with people. i have been accused of being anorexic because i've lost a lot of weight. but when i was throwing up 5 times a day, i lost my fat and was getting my baby belly. when i got the baby taken out of my belly, it left me with nothing. and i haven't gained it back. i just really wish people would stop. a lot of times i just want to sit in my room by myself and not talk to anyone. my dr put me on anti-depressant. so that should be kicking in here in a bit. but me and lance are wanting to have another baby so i won't be able to take it. we aren't in the position to have another baby but i feel like that's for me and lance to decide and if we feel it's time for us, then that is our decision...leave us alone. we're gonna be poor with or without another baby. so...we might as well just have another one. i really just feel like no one cares. i feel like i'm alone in this. alone with lance. but he actually is happy and always joyful. i'm envious of him, really. i'm glad i have him to lift me up when i'm so low i can't even lift my head.

this was mostly depression. i'm sorry. but i can't really vent to anyone or tell anyone because i don't have anyone i can go to about these kinds of things. when i did try to go to people i was told to suck it up and be a big girl. or i was ignored. or something was said to make me feel stupid. and there's nothing worse than trying to talk to someone and feeling stupid or annoying. so i'm writing. to my future self. because i know i'm going to come back and read all of this and think, "dang, i was depressing." not a lot of people read this. and if they do, they don't read the whole thing, or they don't care. no one does care. i feel like i was just shoved into a mud puddle by some guy yelling "NOBODY CARES". he is right. he's definitely right.

a new start

logan didn't work out for us. as everyone knows, we have moved back to the great state of Idaho to the lovely town of Malta. There are numerous reasons why. the main one is money. our apartments that we were living at kind of ripped us off. lance's hours at his job kept getting cut, especially when school started. i couldn't find a job to save my life. and the school kept asking for an extra $2,000 every other week and eventually we ran out and couldn't pay anymore. so now we're living in The Raptor. The Raptor is a fifth wheel camper/toy hauler. my brother and his wife lived in it for a year in North Dakota and in Provo. now it's our turn. we have hyrum's crib in the garage and a heater blowing on him to keep him warm during these cold autumn nights. the mice are terrible. they like to be loud and noisy at night. we're getting cats to solve our problems with the vermin. it's good to be back home with creature and our families. creature is excited to have his lance home. he goes everywhere with him. and looooves to ride on the back of the flat bed truck.

lance right now is working at the mink farm and for his dad. i'm working at Bake Central on Mondays and Tuesdays. i was lucky to get that job. i got it because we were sitting next to valerie at a volleyball game and mom asked if they needed any help and she said yes so i volunteered. that next monday i started making sandwiches and pizzas. by the way....i'm sooooooooo freaking bad at rolling out pizza dough. i'm still doing the envelopes for Harris Brothers and i'm doing laundry for my mom and cleaning for her and cleaning for Lance's mom when she needs help. i started picking potatoes for the Steeds but when i can't find baby sitter for hyrum, i don't go. i don't want to have to pay someone to watch him when i would probably just be using all the money i make. it's really hard for me to leave hyrum. i spend the rest of the day after i get home to him just playing with him and loving on him. and he usually doesn't want to leave me either. if i put him down he has a spaz attack. when i work at bake's my mom watches him on the day she doesn't teach and he goes with lance the other day. Lance's boss's wife loves him and is always offering to watch him so that'll be handy. i really don't like leaving him. it's the hardest thing i have ever had to do. you know...besides the miscarriage...which still sucks so bad.

we haven't been able to make it to the temple since we left i really want to go sometime soon. i think having the temple right there and ready for us to go to helped us a lot with the miscarriage. we do go to church with our ward though and we love it. aside from giving talks the second week we were there. lance gave a really good talk about his role as a father. i gave a rant about how i grew up and my role as a mother. ugh it was so bad.

we have appointments with CSI to check out doing online general courses to get some credits out of the way. lance talked to the fish and game guy here in cassia county and he said that he would have a better chance of being hired if he had some law enforcement under his belt and to be a reserve deputy, to get a wildlife degree, and to volunteer with the fish and game. i think he's going to do a ride along with doug, the fish and game guy, sometime in the next couple weeks. he's excited to start getting his foot in the door. i'm excited to get our life in order. i feel like the last couple months have been disaster after disaster and it's not giving up any time soon. i guess we'll just have to stick together and keep doin what we're supposed to and we'll be ok eventually.

School for Lance

the past couple days have been better for us. since i've been on pain meds for the cramping and everything, lance has been taking good care of hyrum. i still can't lift him. he's too heavy and i'm always hurting myself. i've been wandering around more and having conversations more instead of being a recluse. ashley is here for a couple days to help me with hyrum while lance is starting school!

that brings me to the main event. LANCE STARTED SCHOOL!! he looked so cute when he left. and he even smelled really good. he started out in math. no one wanted to sit by him. he's convinced that his beard is intimidating. i think it was the wedding ring that deterred people. i mean, who likes to hang out with married guys that have beards? besides me. i obviously love hanging out with my bearded husband. he was late for his biology class. he's really excited for his biology class. you know....he likes science.

my dad came down today with ashley and gave lance a blessing for school and to work through the miscarriage. i've been wanting to get like a necklace or a ring or something in remembrance of our little sawyer. lance swears on his life that he truly believes the baby was a girl. he really feels strongly about it. so i believe him and we're going with her being a girl. i see everywhere people being pregnant and having ultrasounds of their healthy babies and i am so happy for them. i makes me sad that i wasn't able to have that, it stings a bite every time i see something. but that doesn't mean i'm not happy for my friends with their growing and developing babies. it just means i'm going to have to live vicariously through them till i can get a healthy baby of my own. i mean i already have one but after being so excited for our new one and then having her taken away i feel like i'm missing something. me and lance were playing with hyrum in the living room and we just kind of felt empty. like there was a person missing. i'm not sure if it's because she was there with us at the moment, or because we're dwelling on it.

i got emails from my brother and lance's sister. i really am missing them lately. i feel like if ty was home i would have had him come over and be with me. there's something about ty. i feel like i always go to him for a cheer up. lindsey sent lance a email. i feel like it helped him. we're planning on going to the temple on wednesday with my parents. i'm gonna see if lance's parents wanna come with us. there's a new film and i am excited to watch it.

i had a meltdown last night that only lance could help. poor guy. he's the glue to this family right now. people keep telling me that i'm such a strong individual and that my faith and testimony has helped some of them through their difficult times. i don't see it. i mean i see me moping around and holding hyrum every moment i get. if anyone is a strong person, it's lance. he never ceases to amaze me. i am very grateful to have him. i don't know what i'd do if i ever lost him.

this post is just a bunch of fluff. writing about it and talking about everything that's happened is helping me cope with my emotions and feelings. knowing that people support us and are praying for us is helping both me and lance. i feel like there are some people who are glad and don't feel bad for us at all. that breaks my heart but there are some people who will never be worth my time or my emotions. sorry but that's just how i feel. i've gotten a lot of calls and texts and i thank every one for that. i'm surrounded by a lot of people who love me and want the very best for me. i'm lucky. that's for sure.

baby Sawyer

me and lance had a terrible week. it started good on monday, tuesday it took a turn for the worst. at my first dr appointment i found out that the baby i was carrying and sooooo excited for had died a couple days earlier. something with chromosomes. wednesday wasn't good either and i started a little cramping. thursday i didn't even bother to get out of bed at all. and friday i went in for major surgery. ok it wasn't major. they didn't even cut me. but it was surgery because i was put under for it. really neat experience. but friday was the day they took the baby away from me. i went in pregnant and left loopy and not pregnant. i've been having terrible cramps and headaches since. and i'm still in mourning.

we wanted to find out the gender and name it (thank you nora terry for that idea) but they don't even see the baby they just vacuum it out, which i feel is super disrespectful to the little baby, but i guess it's the best way to get things done. so instead we went through a bunch of gender neutral names and stopped at sawyer. so our baby is a sawyer baby.

melanie came for a few days to take care of me and hyrum. thank heavens. i don't think i could have done anything but maybe burn the place down. lance's boss sent him home thursday morning to be with me because by then i was cramping more and worried i'd have to make an emergency run to the ER. the dr really didn't want me to pass it at home. he was worried about all the bleeding because the baby was kinda sorta big.

meanwhile i had a ton of support. thank you facebook friends. i got message after message. comment after comment about praying for us and i know it's been working. what doesn't help is the fact that some people don't think it's a big deal because "it's just a miscarriage" "you can always have more". but you know...it is a big deal. that was my child, and i'll never get to hold it, or tickle it, or teach it to rap fresh prince (i'm teaching hyrum slowly but surely). but you know what does help? knowing that i'm sealed to my family. being sealed is the best thing in the world. knowing that if anything happens to any of my family, i can be with them again. this is when living in logan and having the temple just down the road is really helpful. we can go anytime we want (when we can actually find a babysitter).

lance gave me an amazing blessing before we left to go to the hospital. we were all in tears (not a big surprise as most of our days have been filled with tears). he is such an amazing husband. can i just tell you?? he didn't leave my side all day friday. he carried me to the bathroom. he brought me anything that i needed. he snuggled with me when i was ready to die. he has been taking care of hyrum all day today because i'm still sorta loopy and they told me not to carry him for a few days. and he is just an all around amazing person. the best person that i know. hyrum is a little stink. he's been spoiled and now he feels like being spoiled some more and cries and cries when it's time to sleep. but he's also giggling all day. and hearing his giggle makes me forget my grief. makes both me and lance smile. i love my family. and now i just have another birthstone to eventually put with the rest of my kids. i want 7, you know.

so everyone is probably tired of hearing how miserable i am so this is it. this is the end of the misery. (public misery) no doubt i'll still cry in my bed at night, or hold hyrum and wonder why i can't have my baby sawyer with me. i can't look at my stomach and smile anymore now that i don't have anything but pizza in there. and a loss is a loss. i lost my baby. it's not something that goes away. it's a grieving process. but we'll be ok. it gets better every day. as long as we have each other and hyrum, we have everything.

Torgerson Camp

once a year my family and my uncle earl's family get together for the whole week and camp out at Porcupine Pass

camp is full of four wheelers, dirt bikes, and guns. usually around thursday the rest of my family comes up to join in on the fun. then there's little kids runnin around everything and everyone is just having fun.  hyrum had a lot a fun. he got very clingy to my mother. and he wanted nothin to do with me. it kinda hurt my feelings but i got to take naps and go for rides and he was being watched the whole time.

gramma and grampa T came up on wednesday and grampa loved hyrum. he would set his chair next to hyrum's pack n play and talk to him and love on him. 

it was a good week for us. me and lance had a lot of fun on the rides together. we got to giggling so bad sometimes. on one of the rides we saw a cow moose with her 2 babies. they were so cute. lance of course stopped to watch them. they were probably 50 yards away from us. i was freaking out. i was for sure we were going to get charged. obviously we didn't. 

our poor little Fi got sick. she's had the squirts and has been throwing up for a few days. i'm worried about her getting dehydrated so we're leaving little bowls of water where she can get drinks. she seems to get feeling better and then she gets sick again. i've spend most of the day snuggling her today and just giving her loves. she was in doggy heaven there for a while with camp. there was so much dirt and other dogs to play with. she loved it. i was glad she was so happy. she's been so sad since we sent Creature to live in Malta. 

i'm excited for next year's camp. we'll be bringing 2 children instead of just one!!

Happiness is your missionaries coming home

this is my grandma and grandpa Torgerson. aka gramma and grampa T. two years ago they left on a mission to Cali Columbia and on Saturday at 12:42 they came home!! 

we took up a lot of space at the airport welcoming them home. my gramma and grampa are special. they are so funny and love everyone. one time, when i was in college, i was sick. i felt like i was dying. of course i wasn't but jeez.....i did not feel good. so of course i call my mom and asked complained to her. what did she do? she called her dad to bring me medicine. about a half hour later i hear a knock on my door and there he was. my grampa. rescuing me from my terrible impending doom. he had a walmart sack full of all sorts of medicine. he drove all the way from grant to rexburg just to give me some nyquil and other goods. ever since that moment i felt a special feeling for my grampa. he's a special grampa.

gramma was off hugging other people so we weren't able to get a picture with her but grampa wanted hyrum. and hyrum liked him!

then all of us girls were sitting on the couch, waiting for everyone to get to the house so we could eat some fried chicken.

no one loves hyrum more than ashley does. and he loves her. i'm glad he warmed up to her too. before he hated her. 

gramma T. had to love on hyrum before we left to come home. he loves her. she's such a cute little gramma. we all love her. i don't know anyone who doesn't.

it was a good weekend spent with my family. we've missed a lot of our family function for various reasons and i've felt like i've missed out on everything. i'm glad i belong to the Torgersons. they are the best group of people you'll ever run into.

Change of Attitude

I've been having a hard time in Logan. We moved for Lance to go to school...and that's really the only reason why. I've had a really hard time with the transition. I moved thinking that I would be alright. Well I wasn't alright. I hated it here. I kind of still do. BUT moving has been the best for us. We get to go to the temple all the time, and we have to lean on each other for everything. And we spend every day together. We used to go to one of the parent's house and split up and then reunite around midnight when we got home and went to bed. That's just the way things were happening. Anyway now we spend more time together and we are better than ever.

Me and lance have a different kind of relationship. We started out best friends, always having fun and laughing and to this day we still giggle and laugh for hours about something so small as a stupid face that I make. We're constantly flirting and having all sorts of fun. Poor Hyrum is doomed. He's got the weird parents that dance and sing in the car on the way to Wal-Mart.

Anyway...back to my change of attitude. Pregnancy hormones are the worst thing in the world. They turned me into a horrible monster. ok...not a horrible monster, but a ornery person who gets offended by everything. I used to be a happy, giggly person and then I turned into a person that sits in the corner and just watches everyone because someone hurt my tender little feelings and I tend to hold grudges. But I have been thinking, I hurt someone's feelings because of my bad little attitude. I don't want to be that person that everyone avoids. Poor Lance and Hyrum.

So to everyone that I've offended, I'm sorry. I am working on changing that aspect of myself. By laughing more and being more involved and not withdrawing myself because people tend to say rude things to me. I need to learn how to not let it get to me and to just brush it off. Instead of taking it to heart, I need to be the bigger person and not pay attention.

07.14.2013

This is very new to me, but everyone and their dog has a blog (that rhymed...unintentional) so I figure I might as well join in. Plus this way I can eventually print it out and make a book of our family. Anyway I'm probably going to be the only one reading this, but oh well. It's like a journal...ONLINE!

Our story begins in Malta, Idaho at Raft River High School. Me and Lance were really good friends. We went on a lot of adventures, helped each other with stupid high school things, and had secret crushes on each other. Eventually he graduated, then I graduated and we lost track of each other. Well I was working at Valley Wide in Rupert and went to Wal-mart after work to get something for my mom and there he stood. In his bearded glory. Lance. Of course I yelled out his name. It was an amazing reunion. I got his number and we started hanging out. About a month later, 01.13.2012, we ran off to Vegas and got married. No one thought it would last and everyone thought I was pregnant. I wasn't. Now look at us.

In April we found out that I was pregnant. Lance was psyched out of his freaking mind and I was just freaked out. When we found out we were having a boy, we were so excited. Lance yelled the phrase "SUCK IT" in the hospital after we were free from the ultrasound tech. Nice guy. Super weird.

December rolled around and I was waddling around. I FINALLY had Hyrum. I was 6 hours in labor and pushed for 30 min. Lance was so happy. I was so tired. Not to mention, I felt really weird. Epidural made me numb and loopy. Worth it.

01.15.2013 Me and Lance went through the Logan, Ut temple, and got sealed for all time and eternity to Hyrum and our future children. It was an amazing day. The best day in both of our lives.

Now it's July and we're living in Logan for Lance to go to school. He's going into wildlife science to be a fish and game officer. Right now he's working in concrete construction for a really good guy who treats him like more than just a peon. Hyrum is crawling everywhere, has 5 teeth, and loves his puppies and his ball. He's starting to try to stand on his own. He's babbling so much and love love love corn and squash and sweet potatoes. and his cereal puffs. I am looking for a job that i can take him with me and I might have found one. I would be a nanny for 2 little boys. I really hope it works out for me. I'm glad I married Lance. I am happier on my worst day now than I was on my best day when I wasn't with him. He's my better half and perfect for me, and we have the funniest little kid in the world.